Ten Reasons Your Dog Makes You Late For Work
1. The morning walk: You know they need to poop…THEY know they need to poop…but the longer they hold out, the longer the walk will last. It’s a showdown ’til the bitter end. Your boss will understand, right?
2. Food prep: You’re packed and ready to head out the door to start your day…and then you see that empty dog bowl. Of course, your dog is too picky for just a bowl of dry kibble. One-eighth of a cup of wet food, plus 1/2 a cup of dry food, stirred until a tiny bit of wet food touches EACH piece of kibble–you know, it’s actually quite impressive that you’re only 15 minutes late to work.
3. The cuteness factor: You’re stuck in bed 20 minutes after your alarm goes off because your dog is sleeping with her head resting on your chest. It would be a crime to move and you know it.
You decide to call in sick today.
4. Winter warmth: Few things in life are harder than getting out of a warm bed when it’s below freezing outside. Plus, you’re extra warm because your dog is currently spooning with you. You should just not work during the winter. Period.
5. Snore-fest: You didn’t sleep a wink because your dog snores all night. You’re never mad because it’s really cute. You then fall asleep in the parking lot at work.
6. Guilt trip: Your dog gives you the saddest, most devastated look in the history of dog looks when you’re just about to head out the door. Your heart breaks and you decide to take your dog with you, telling your boss that you SWORE you heard on the news last night that today was National Take Your Dog to Work Day.
7. Jailbreak: You’re heading to work with no time to spare, and your dog bolts out the door. Oh, he’s not going anywhere in particular, he just hears you complain about how much you hate your job, day in and day out, and today he’s decided to make you late so that you’ll get fired and will be home all day, every day.
8. Cinderella: Well-rested, ate breakfast, dog fed. But you can’t find one of your shoes. Your dog stole it…again. You give your dog your other shoe to see if she takes it to the same shoe-hiding place. She doesn’t. Now you have no shoes. You decide you’d rather go to work barefoot than put on shoes that don’t match your outfit.
9. Sick day: You told your parents they were being ridiculous when they said you treated your dog like a kid. Then your dog pukes on your bed one morning. You get really worried and decide to call out of work.
10. Donde esta poop bags?: You’re walking the dogs. You get really happy when they poop right away, which means you’ll have time to go to the drive-thru Starbucks on the way to work…unfortunately, you then realize you left the poop bag on the coffee table.
Break-room coffee sucks.