Found on Craigslist: The Imperfect Pet Owner

Found on Craigslist–pretty much sums up every pet ad you’ve ever read:

I wanted a pet, so I got one. But I am tired of taking care of it, and paying for it. I might even be moving, in which case I would have to pay a pet deposit or spend an extra 30 seconds planning how to take along my pet. Maybe I decided to have a baby or get a boyfriend (or girlfriend). Anyhow, I don’t want my pet anymore. Oh wait, that sounds every bit as selfish as I am. I mean, I can’t keep my pet. Yeah, that’s it. Oh allergies- YES, I suddenly got allergies. No one will question that.

Now about my pet. I’ve had it since it was a kitten (or pup, or egg if reptilian) and now it’s middle aged, the age NO ONE wants to adopt, but didn’t you see- I need someone to take care of it.

Anyhow, since this process will be very upsetting for my formerly precious pet (and because I may feel an inkling of guilt) I want the adopter to give it a home where there are no other pets, so it doesn’t have to share your affections (even though I’ve been ignoring it for months). Now let me tell you how sweet, lovable, and darling he/she is. Also, allow me to fail to mention that he/she has a urination issue when scared, or he/she eat sofas, etc.

Oh, and I think you should pay a fee to show you’re capable of buying cat food. And plus I spent money on it 8 years ago and heck I can get a few boxes of diapers for the baby with that cash.

Besides, everyone knows that you can tell a person who’s taking your pet to be a test lab subject by whether or not they’ll shell out $50. If my pet is purebred, I will likely try to charge you hundreds. Because I spend hundreds and this is a very valuable pet. I just don’t want it anymore. But YOU should want it enough to help me recoup my original purchase price.

Now, I hope you’ll take it right to the vet, because he/she is behind on shots. And was never spayed/neutered. And make sure it gets premium food and all the things it deserves, but I am too selfish to even continue to care for it. And remember, this is a commitment- you better not take it and then change your mind ever because only I can do that. Now that I dumped him/her on you, he/she is too traumatized to ever face that again.

Last of all, I will now close by telling you that I need this person who takes over my responsibility to come along quickly, because otherwise I *may* have to take him/her to the pound. I probably won’t, but that threat is sure to scare someone into hurrying up and taking over my responsibility.

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